Long story short I have AS long story short Im in pain every day .. every day. A good day on the pain scale is a two a bad day is a 9 and Ive seen some 10's or crippling pain. Im 44 I got it when I was 21. Ive had everything lost everything Ive been hospitalized on a death bed. Ive lost a child in reality I could go on and on.
Over the last couple months im an 8 on the pain scale everyday. It comes to a point with pain where it isn't so much about the pain as it is the anticipation of the pain that's where I am lately. It's been taxing. Work has been a bit taxing as well since I'm intimately involved in one of the largest bank mergers ever. My wife and I have been crabbing at each other and today more crappy news in the wake of some recent fortune. I snapped. I was wrong
About 4 PM I railed out against my God. I told him I believed, I told him my faith would not falter but I wanted to know in no uncertain terms what the bleep the bleeping deal was and why my lord why me rolled off my tongue. I also did that publicly how embarrassing.
I got in my car and went to a tobacco shop for some pipe tobacco. Ive never done that before. Standing and staring at the cases of goodies the store owner came over and said he was sorry for my pain. He asked if I has AS because well ... he did to. We began to talk and finished each others sentences with the glee of finding someone in life you knew understood what it was to live like this etc etc.
As I was concluding the purchase another man jumped in. He wasn't very well spoken or put together and pretty rough around the edges. He was a man who had led a hard life. He had been in car accident.and talked about his pain. I could see the sorrow in him but he seemed to be very peaceful. He then proceeded to tell me about his recent conversion to Christ. How God had saved him and he how he was on his way to bible study and I could come if I wanted.
KNOCK KNOCK .. I'm an idiot .
Neither of these personal topics are common conversations you have out of the blue in tobacco store with people you don't know on a Thursday afternoon. Obviously my God was letting me know I wasn't alone.
This happens to me every now and then and I have some pretty funny stories about God punching me in the head.
There before the grace of God go I.
Anyway welcome to a glimpse of my private wierd world.
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